3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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