Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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