Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
