i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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