But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
