i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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