Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
