i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
