i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
