So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
