thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
