she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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