so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
