I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
