my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
