I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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