Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
