I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
