Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
