he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
