found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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