So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
