i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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