That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
