I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
