went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
