Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
