Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
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