the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
