Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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