Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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