I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
