I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
