weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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