Cold hands, warm shart.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
