is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
