there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
did i walk over a car last night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
