Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
