She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
