I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
