Define "chronic" masturbator.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
