woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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