We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
