Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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