were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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