I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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