Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
