How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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