That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
