I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
